Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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