Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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