u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
