I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
