I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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