So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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