i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize