Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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