He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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