I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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