like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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