so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
