pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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