is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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