ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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