my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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