we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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