Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
