I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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