I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
