I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
