Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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