It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
