Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize