Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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