Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
