The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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