it's like her boobs came off with her bra
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
