I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
