i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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