I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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