we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
