This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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