Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
