Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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