guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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