I wish I could teleport
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
