Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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