He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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