I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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