you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Quick, to the slutcave!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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