i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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