1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize