Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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