@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
