sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
