i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
