My nipple is on Facebook.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
