while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
