speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
my sisters under your porch take her home
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
