Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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