i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
