Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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