I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think I am morally bankrupt
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
