I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
