good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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