Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize