I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
So. Much. Porn.
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