It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
