I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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