So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
