my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
