We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
