my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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