Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
