thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
