he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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