we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
