Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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