my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
