I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
