Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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