I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize