sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
