Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Randomize
