just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
