Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize