Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
