I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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