I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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