I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
