my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
