Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Everything about him screamed your future.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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