PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
