i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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