I skipped work to stalk him.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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