i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We need to rekindle our bromance
It was confusing and full of hummus
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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