I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
