I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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