Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
