All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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