Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
