last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hippo gnu deer
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
