I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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