I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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