Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
