Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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