He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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