me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
